0940786

STOP IT STOP IT ahhhhhh

and then it goes by like nothing happened. hmm

HIT ME HITMONCHEN HIT ME

this is dangerous. im smiling again.

let today be remembered as the day i danced with the click

Why do i feel so meh.

fuck i have to tour the US and see this girl

i used to see this busy girl
it was kinda difficult

i actually dont have many friends

Today i gave a phone call.
He called his mother and told her to pretend she didnt give birth to him.
He was going to starve himself to death because he was going in for possibly 55days.
I then allowed him an extra call to his father. He said the same thing.
He told him that if on friday his sentence was more than 20 days, he was going to kill himself.
After the calls i spoke to him. I asked if there was nothing he looked forward to outside. He said no.
He also said he had to go to a business meeting on the 14th of May and if he didnt, his business would surely fail, and with that went his only shot at success in life. I asked if he thought his business had any chance of failure, given that he was released immediately. He said no. It was the definite and only chance at success in his life. I asked why. He told me it has been going well for 6 months, and that if this chance was taken from him, he might as well kill himself. Later on, he signed a form to declare that he was fasting, meaning he was going to reject all food given to him. He is a year older.

He made me think. His might be an extreme case. But it reminded me how easily we give up sometimes. How selfish we could be, to run away from our problems, often leaving others to clean up after ourselves, to ignore everything that would cause us inconvenience, even if it means hurting the people around us. We end our own suffering, and begin the hurt on the others.

yet after that reminder, i found it very difficult to change my habits.

it hurts it hurts

if a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?

if a boy is angry, and nobody is there to know it, is he still upset?

in a lot of ways improvisation is life itself.
the beauty of pursuit whilst with the knowledge of the imperfections of the past.

ive been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. its not good.
and also typing here a bit more. hello internet? haha

why do people blog?
to say things to people they cant face in person?
i guess so. you're horrible, you.

even though im oddly calm about it all.

i hate this fucking new year